Love Song (You Make Me Feel Like I Am Whole Again)
by reckless-deception
Summary: Prompt: Adele - Love Song ("Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again") - [Post 5x11 - 'Fix-it' fic] - On the day that Gail turns thirty, she wakes to find an email from Holly.


**Title:** Love Song (You Make Me Feel Like I Am Whole Again)  
**Pairing:** Gail Peck/Holly Stewart  
**Rating:** K  
**Word Count:** 3k  
**Disclaimer:** None of the Rookie Blue characters belong to me; I'm just borrowing them for a bit.

**Prompt: **From Asdotnet - Adele - Love Song (The words that particularly stick out to me are... "Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again")

**Summary: **[Post 5x11 - 'Fix-it' fic] - On the day that Gail turns thirty, she wakes to find an email from Holly.**  
**

* * *

On the day that Gail turns thirty, she wakes to find an email from Holly.

Instead of finding her eyes reading over Holly's usually long and entertaining rambles filled with banter and wit, she discovers a simple message of '_Happy Birthday, Gail. I'm so sorry I __can't be there to take you __out__ for cake and tequila to celebrate like last year :-( __Give my love to Sophie when you see her, and please__ try and have a good time at your party tonight, your friends love you and just want you to have fun __xxx _'.

The message only serves to make the relentless sadness that hasn't left Gail for a single day since Holly's departure for San Francisco seven months ago, intensify immensely; her heart heavy and aching in desperate longing.

They'd reluctantly agreed to part as friends after spending every second of Holly's last two weeks in Toronto tangled up in each other. It had been the sensible, grow-up decision to make, knowing that trying to make a long distance relationship work while both their lives were going through such drastic changes would be too difficult to maintain. It was better to remain as friends so that they didn't end up resenting each other, Holly had said, and even though the mere thought of having to let Holly go again had crippled her, she knew that Holly was right; they couldn't make each other promises of forever when neither of them knew what life would throw their way.

But the one promise that had passed between them was that they would call and text and email as often as they could, both unwilling to lose the other from their life completely. It was a promise they'd both kept faithfully – swapping stories of Holly's new job and all the things she was discovering in the new city she called home; and the crazy goings-on at 15 Division and her days spent with Sophie as the adoption drew to a close – and while most of the time it made the distance between them easier to deal with, on some days it just made it unbearably hard.

Today, Gail was finding, was one of those days where having Holly in her life a little, rather than not at all, just felt cruel and tormenting.

She knows that her friends mean well by throwing her a birthday party at The Black Penny, but Gail doesn't really feel like being surrounded by couples consumed in their own loves stories, she doesn't know how she could possibly pretend to have fun and smile sincerely when the only thing – the only _person_ – she really wants to celebrate with is 2256 miles away.

(Not that Gail's calculated the exact distance or anything...)

* * *

The only thing that actually manages to lift her melancholy and make her black mood brighter is getting to take Sophie out for a birthday breakfast of pancakes and ice-cream – Sophie's suggestion, of course.

And even though her chest feels so tight from missing Holly sometimes that Gail feels like she can't breathe, Sophie somehow always manages to make her feel lighter again, and that's something Gail has grown eternally thankful for. So, despite her presently yearning heart, she lets herself smile and appreciate what she's got, knowing deep in her core just how lucky she is to have at least one of her girls with her today.

Sophie giggles happily as she steals another bite of ice-cream from Gail's sundae and watches Gail retaliate by acting surprised and then swiftly reaching over to steal a spoonful of Sophie's own in return. It's a silly little game they sometimes play, stealing bites of each other's food, but it always makes Sophie's eyes sparkle joyfully, her smile becoming so bright that Gail can feel her heart melting just as quickly as the ice-creams they share.

"I made you a present," Sophie announces as they finish up their breakfast. "I hope you like it."

"I already know that because you made it for me, it's going to be my favourite present ever," Gail replies with an honest smile as she watches Sophie dig into her backpack and produce a home-made card, passing it over to Gail with a bashful, toothy grin.

Gail feels her heart swell as she takes in the picture on the front; two figures who look like her and Sophie standing side-by-side wearing party hats and holding hands in front of a colourfully drawn house.

"It's us," Sophie tells her, as if it wasn't obvious, smiling and bouncing a little nervously up and down in her seat.

"Sophie, honey, I love it, thank you so much," Gail says softly, truly touched. "Is this our house? I love how colourful you've made it."

"We should paint it bright like a rainbow," Sophie nods and smiles, and then just as suddenly her face grows a little serious. "I'm still gonna get to come live with you, right, Gail?"

"Of course you are, sweetie," Gail replies instantly, reaching over to cup Sophie's cheek affectionately. "It's just taking a little while because us grown-ups have to do lots of long, boring paper-work. But you and me, Soph, we're gonna get to be together all the time very soon, I promise."

Sophie's face relaxes at that and she reaches over to point at the card again. "You have to lift the cloud up," she tells Gail.

Gail's brow furrows in confusion for a moment until she looks above the drawing of the house to take in the fluffily drawn clouds, locating the one that is held on by a piece of tape. She feels Sophie watching her intensely as she gently flips the cloud up and reveals the drawing of an aeroplane.

"It's so we can go and visit your Holly," Sophie explains when Gail's eyes flick back up to hers as her fingertip carefully traces around the plane's outline. "I know how sad it makes you when you're missing her lots, and if I could go on a plane and visit my mom when I get sad sometimes, I would. But being with you makes me less sad, so I think we should go on a plane and visit Holly so you won't have to get sad so much, and then we can all be happy together."

Gail feels her eyes stinging with tears at Sophie's sweet and thoughtful gesture and instantly gets up from her side of the booth so she can go across to Sophie and pull her into a tight, loving embrace.

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Soph," Gail whispers as she presses a kiss to the top of her head. "I know how excited Holly is to meet you."

Sophie smiles at her when Gail pulls back to find her eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah," Gail replies with a nod. "She's always asking lots of questions about you and asking me to show her photographs of us because she knows how happy I am when I get to be with you, and she wishes she could come visit with us."

"Maybe one day we could get an even bigger, more colourful house, that way Holly could come and live with us too," Sophie offers earnestly.

All Gail can manage in response is to press another lingering kiss to the crown of Sophie's head, feeling her body flood with unconditional love for the precious little girl in her arms who's soon to legally become her daughter.

* * *

It's not that she doesn't appreciate all the effort her friends have gone through to try and take her mind off Holly's absence and make her birthday night a fun one, it's just that after her morning with Sophie, all Gail can do is think about what she said.

Hiding herself away out the back in The Penny's stockroom, Gail pulls the card out from the pocket of her jeans and unfolds it. The corners of her mouth instantly tugging up into a smile as her eyes soak in the image of her and Sophie and their colourful house again.

It's been a long and complicated process, just like the adoption worker had told her it would be during that very first meeting, but to see just how much Sophie has truly flourished as she's become more comfortable with her, and how increasingly excited she's gotten about the notion that she and Gail will get to be a family, has made it all worth it.

The only part stopping Gail's world from feeling whole is not getting to be with Holly too. She knows she had no right to ask Holly to stay, it was Holly's dream job calling her away to San Francisco after all, and she knows that Holly understands her need to have Sophie in her life, but that doesn't stop their inability to be together from sucking any less.

Gail flips the cloud up and stares at the picture of the plane Sophie had drawn, and pulls her phone from her jacket pocket, instantly hitting call over Holly's number. She knows the chances of Holly answering are slim given that Holly has an important conference to present at over this weekend, but that doesn't stop her from pathetically craving to hear Holly's soothing voice, even if that means she has to make do with listening to Holly's recorded voicemail prompt over and over again.

"_You've reached Dr. Stewart, I'm currently unavailable, but please leave your name and number so I can return your call ASAP..._" Gail feels her mouth twisting into an amused smirk at Holly's formal tone as she listens to the beep that follows. Instead of hanging up again like she did the first four times, Gail finds words escaping out of her mouth before she can even think to stop them.

"Hey, Lunchbox, it's me," she starts, her voice softening with affection. "I know you're off busy being all smart and impressing important science-y people, and I'm so proud of you for that... but it's my birthday and I'm sitting alone drinking champagne from the bottle and staring at this card Sophie made me. It's me and her and our house, and she drew a plane because she knows I'm sad without you and thinks we should come see you. I've been listening to your voicemail message over and over again for the last five minutes just so I can hear your voice..." Gail murmurs, a lump forming in her throat as she bites back her tears. "And Sophie's right, Holly, I am sad without you. I'm miserable. I know I should be happy because I have this beautiful little girl, and I love her and she loves me, and we're going to get to be a family real soon, but I just... I miss you _so_ damn much, you know?" Gail exhales shakily. "I know we agreed to let each other go because it was the right thing to do, and so I know it's selfish to say it but... I love you, Holly. I love you so, so much, and I just really wish you were here. Sophie belongs with me now, I know that, but I also know deep in my heart that we belong together too; we all belong together, Hol-"

Gail hears the beep again, cutting off the rest of her emotionally charged speech, and lowers the phone from her ear as she sniffles loudly and reaches up with her other hand to wipe the tears from the corner of her eyes.

She knows she'll probably be weighted down with guilt when she wakes tomorrow morning and is faced with a tentative call from Holly, but for now Gail just lets herself feel the expanse of everything that she's been so desperately trying to keep bottled up.

* * *

It's Steve who eventually finds her half an hour later, dragging her to her feet with a hint of a smirk on his face, and tugging her back into the bar where all her friends cheer and smile at her, none of them aware that her heart is currently too weary to accept or return their well intended kindness.

"Present time!" Chloe chirps, and Gail shakes her head immediately in retort.

"Do you mind if I just open them at home and then thank you all tomorrow?" Gail says, trying to hide her heartache by tacking on a placating smile. "It's been a long day already..."

Chloe's face falls a little at Gail's unusual decision not to engage her with a snarky remark, but then just as Dov is pulling Chloe back, Steve pipes up with an insistent, "Just one present and we'll let you go, sis, I promise."

Before she can really reply, Traci is sliding an envelope towards her and smiling so fully at her that Gail feels a prickle of apprehension shiver down her spine.

"What's this?" she asks suspiciously as she fingers the envelope cautiously, glancing around at everyone and taking in their eager expressions. "Why are you all being weird and creepy?"

"Just open it already," Nick commands, smiling fondly at her.

Gail takes a deep breath to steady her nerves and carefully opens the envelope, drawing out the letter inside and lets her eyes scan over what it says; '_Dr. Stewart, we sadly and reluctantly accept your letter of resignation, and thank you for all the hard work you have provided for us over these last several months here at__ UCSF departments of pathology and laboratory medicine. We wish you all the best in you future endeavours, Dr. W. Spencer__'. _

It feels like her heart has stopped as she reads over it again, letting the words sink in slowly as she starts to process their meaning. Gail releases a shuddery, disbelieving breath as she lifts her eyes to stare at each of her friends in turn, trying to assess whether this is some kind of mean, twisted joke or not. She knows it's no joke the moment Dov and Chris step aside, revealing Oliver leading a terribly nervous looking Holly in through the entrance and giving her a little encouraging shove through everybody, and towards Gail.

"Surprise, birthday girl," Holly starts, her voice a little shaky as Gail just continues to stare up at her in disbelief, the shock of her unexpected appearance rending Gail frozen.

"I'm sorry I missed your call, I was coming through customs and the airport has really, really terrible signal," Holly follows up all in one breath, offering Gail a bashful smile as she fiddles anxiously with her fingers. "I got your message while Oliver was driving me over here," she continues in a gentle murmur, her eyes glimmering with unbridled love that causes Gail to get to her feet and step towards her. "You're right, Gail, we do belong together. We were idiots to ever think we could survive apart."

Gail feels her heart pounding wildly in her chest as Holly's words fill her ears. "Yeah?" she chokes, her voice thick with emotion.

"Yeah," Holly nods with a beautifully confident smile that lights up her face as she closes the final steps between the and reaches for Gail, her hands instinctively finding their place on Gail's face, lovingly cradling her cheeks. "I'm kind of hopelessly in love with you, Gail Peck, and I'm so tired of missing you. I'm tired of pretending I'm not miserable. I don't want to be in San Francisco, I want to be here; I want to be with _you_, and I want to get to know Sophie. I want us to find a way to make this work because I don't want to spend another second of my life without you."

Gail feels her eyes flutter closed in relief as Holly gently thumbs away her tears, her hands clenching tightly at Holly's waist and refusing to ever let her go again. "I love you so much," she breathes as her eyes flick open to desperately find Holly's. "Never leave me again," she pleads in a whisper.

"Never," Holly replies resolutely, shaking her head, and pressing forward to kiss Gail soft and slow and deep, not stopping until she feels Gail's body relax as she melts into her.

They break apart to the sound of clapping and happy cheers and Gail feels her chest flood with such love and happiness that she can't help but to pull Holly in for another kiss, the corners of her mouth curling upwards as she feels Holly smiling against her lips.

"I really want to see this card Sophie made for you," Holly says later on that night as she wraps her arm around Gail's shoulders and leads her out of The Penny towards the taxi that's waiting for them.

"Here," Gail says softly once they're seated, pulling it from her pocket and watching as Holly unfolds it, her mouth curling up into her beautiful lopsided smile as she takes in the details of Sophie's card.

"I love how colourful your house is," Holly comments, lifting her eyes to Gail's and watching as Gail smiles fondly as she thinks about Sophie. "Although I don't know what your neighbours are going to think if you actually do paint it multi-coloured."

"They'll get over it, it's what Sophie wants," Gail laughs softly in response. "I told you she was insane."

"But I can already tell it's in the best possible way," Holly replies, lifting the cloud up and spotting the plane. "Do you think she'll be disappointed that she won't get to go on one now that I'm actually here and not 2000 miles away?"

"2256," Gail corrects without even thinking. Holly smiles lovingly at her as she reaches over to draw Gail into a sweet and gentle kiss that leaves Gail utterly dazed, and leaves their foreheads pressed together as she pulls back.

"Do you think she'll be disappointed that she won't get to go on a plane now that I'm actually here and not _2__256_ miles away?" Holly repeats fondly, adjusting the distance as she nuzzles their noses together.

Gail closes the gap between them again, kissing Holly softly before shaking her head. "Not if we take her on holiday to Australia instead sometime."

"Why Australia?" Holly asks with a curious smile.

Gail smiles in response, loving that she's finally getting the chance to share her stories about Sophie with Holly in person. "She loves Koala-bears, they're her favourite animal and she thinks if we go to Australia one day she can find one to have as a pet."

Holly chuckles. "Well, for that reason alone, we definitely have to take her there."

"Someday," Gail replies with a smile. "Right now though, the only place she really wants to go is home with me."

"How long until she can?" Holly questions, her eyebrow arching upwards.

Gail smiles happily. "A week."

"I can't wait to meet her," Holly says earnestly.

Gail can't resist kissing Holly again then. "She can't wait to meet you either," she murmurs honestly, watching as Holly's eyes fill with relief, and leans in again to kiss away any of Holly's lingering doubts. "It's going to be amazing," she promises her. "_We're_ going to be amazing together, Holly."

Holly smiles contentedly back at her. "Yeah, we really are," she whispers knowingly against Gail's lips as the taxi pulls up in front of Gail's house. "We're going to be one _insanely_ happy family."

As she loses herself in Holly's promising kiss, Gail can't help but feel like all the pieces she couldn't figure out how to make fit are suddenly falling perfectly into place. She's never felt more content or whole in her entire life now that Holly's back in Toronto to be with her and Sophie; it finally feels like she's been granted her happy ever after.


End file.
